What the Cars Think of Cars
by PinkCookie11
Summary: Cars Crazy Fudge and PinkCookie11 collaboration. Fudge (Cars Crazy Fudge), the cars and the new girl, Cookie (PinkCookie11) watch the Cars movie. WARNING: This is meant to be humourous, which is way the characters may be OOC at times. If you don't like, don't read.
1. Prologue

**What the Cars Think of** _ **Cars**_

 **Summary:** Cars Crazy Fudge and PinkCookie11 collaboration. Fudge (Cars Crazy Fudge), the cars and the new girl, Cookie (PinkCookie11) watch the _Cars_ movie. **WARNING:** This is meant to be humourous, which is way the characters may be OOC at times. If you don't like, don't read.

 **Chapter 1- Prologue**

"Come on, guys! The DVD store closes in five minutes!" Fudge whined.

"We'd be done by now if Mr. Perfection here hadn't forgotten his iPhone", Finn pointed out. "And then had to go through the car wash on the way here. _Three_ times! _And_ get a polish!"

" _You_ got a polish too!" Lightning shot back.

"Not half as much as you!"

"Well, you gotta look good!" Lightning declared.

"We're only going to the DVD store!" Fudge reasoned.

"You never know who you might run into", Lightning justified.

"You have a girlfriend!" Fudge exclaimed in horror.

"Yeah? So?"

"You are a horrible car!" Fudge announced. "A horrible, horrible- Hey! Cookie!"

Finn and Lightning looked around. "What?"

A dark-haired girl of about eighteen stood aimlessly by the door of the DVD store.

"That's Cookie to you!" she proclaimed snobbishly, looking down her nose.

"That's what I said!"

"...Oh. Sup, Fudge?"

"Who is this chick?" Lightning wondered.

"No!" Fudge cried. "Not Chick! Cookie!"

"Cookie?" Finn and Lightning repeated. "Is that a real name? What is she doing here? Are we about to have a human invasion?"

"Who wants to know?" Cookie asked.

"Cookie is my friend", Fudge explained. "It's not her real name and we knew each other from a long time ago... in a galaxy far, far away..."

"You hate _Star Wars_!" Lightning reminded Fudge.

Fudge shrugged. "Eh. It just seemed like the right thing to say."

"So... Cookie?" Finn began awkwardly. "How did you get here?"

Cookie blinked at him. "Is that a trick question?"

Finn was confused. "No?"

"I don't know! I couldn't see it! Why are you being mean to me?!"

"Cookie's blind", Fudge informed her friends.

"Then what are you doing in a DVD store?" Lightning wanted to know.

"I don't know!" Cookie responded. "What is this?! An interrogation?!"

"Cookie, these are my car friends-"

" _Cars_?!" Cookie questioned in disbelief.

"Yeah", Fudge answered. "Lightning McQueen and Finn McMissile!"

"Oh, yeah! From the movie!" Cookie recalled. "I know you guys!"

"Movie?" Finn echoed. "What movie?"

Fudge grinned. "I wonder if they have it here!"

Cookie nodded in agreement. "We gotta make 'em watch it!"

So, they headed into the store. "What section will it be in?" Fudge wondered.

"I don't know about you", Cookie announced, "but _I'm_ heading for the porn!"

"You're only eighteen!" Fudge pointed out.

"So are _you_!" Cookie shot back.

"But that didn't stop you from walking into my brother's room!" She shuddered in horror. "That room seriously needs a sign on the door, saying, WARNING! THIS ROOM CONTAINS R-RATED MESS!"

Fudge was pouring through the children's DVDs, murmuring to herself, "Please tell me they have it, please tell me they have it!"

"Have what?" Finn asked.

"Here it is!" Fudge held the _Cars_ DVD up triumphantly.

"Oh, my God!" Lightning exclaimed. "That's _me_!"

Fudge read the blurb aloud.

"Hotshot rookie race car Lightning McQueen was living life in the fast lane until he hits a detour on the way to the most important race of his life. Stranded in Radiator Springs, a forgotten town on the old Route 66, he meets Sally, Doc Hudson, Mater and a variety of quirky characters who help him discover that there's more to life than trophies and fame."

"Hmmm..." Lightning mused. "That sounds a little familiar."

"Isn't that how you met Sally and Mater and everyone?"

Fudge looked around. "Where did Cookie go?"

"Hey, Fudge!" Cookie appeared seemingly out of nowhere. "Look what I found!" She brandished another DVD.

"Oh, my God!" Finn exclaimed. "That's _me_!"

" _Cars 2_!" Fudge exclaimed. "Movie night!"

"Wait. How did you find that?" Lightning quizzed Cookie.

"There's this new thing!" Cookie replied. "It's called asking the guy at the counter for help!"

Fudge grabbed some popcorn- both caramel and butter- and Mars Pods. "Let's go!"

So, they returned to town. "What took you guys so long?" Sally asked.

"Ask Lightning", Finn and Fudge answered.

"Ask Cookie", was Lightning's reply.

"Ask Finn and Fudge", Cookie responded.

"Ask Cookie."

"Wait, who's Cookie?" everyone questioned.

Cookie paused. "... Hey! Look what we got!" She helped up the DVDS.

"Oooohhh! Shiny!" Mater, Ramone, Lizzie and Fillmore chorused dazedly.

"Wait... Is that us?" Sheriff noticed.

"It is?" Fudge asked sarcastically. "I didn't notice!"

Lightning grinned. "Let's watch!"

 **We don't own** _ **Cars**_ **. If we did, we wouldn't be writing fan fiction! XD! However, we do own Cookie and Fudge!**

 **Please review! No flames. This wasn't supposed to be serious. The next chapter will be slightly more serious.**


	2. Cars: First Race

**Sorry for the late update. Thanks to all those who reviewed, faved, followed or just even read. So, thanks to:**

 **Agent Sandra Cartrip**

 **Sindaamanda**

 _ **Cars**_

The Disney logo lit up the screen.

" **QUIET!** " Sarge barked. "The movie's starting!"

"I can't see!" Mater yelped. "I can't see!"

"Cookie, move your head!" Lightning ordered. "You're blocking the screen! Why are you even in front of the screen anyway? You can't even see it!"

"Because", Cookie mumbled, folding her arms and glaring at where she thought Lightning was, "this is my spot."

"But-" Lightning began.

" **I SAID QUIET!** " Sarge repeated.

" _Okay", a voice came from the black screen. "Here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed_."

"But I thought you was Lightnin'!" Mater exclaimed.

"Well, Speed _is_ my middle name."

"You've said the same thing about victory, careful and danger!" Sally retorted.

"That's me. Lightning Victory Careful Danger Speed McQueen!"

Doc rolled his eyes. "So modest, rookie."

As the Lightning on the screen emerged from the trailer, he revved his engine at the crowd and flashed his bolt sticker.

"I think the fame's gone to his head!" Cookie whispered to Fudge in a loud stage whisper.

"Hey!" Lightning cried defensively. Then he took a second glance at the screen. "Yeah, all right."

"The one good thing about Stickers at this point", Sally noted, watching Chick deliberately spinning several racers out, "is that he's a clean racer."

"Don't tell Mr. Modesty that!" a new voice laughed. "He's already got a big enough head."

"Coming from _you_ , Chick!" Lightning scoffed. And he did a double take. "Wait! _Chick_?!"

"Shut up, McQueen!" Chick shot back. "You can't talk! Besides, I won the Piston Cu-"

"Spoilers!" Fudge and Cookie yelled simultaneously.

" _We need tyres now!" a pitty on the screen ordered as Lightning came in for a pit stop._

" _Come on! Let's go!"_

" _No, no, no!" Lightning disagreed. "No tyres! Just gas!"_

" _ **WHAT?!**_ _" the pitty exploded. "_ _ **YOU NEED TYRES, YOU IDIOT!**_ _"_

"Pit stop!" Guido called from his spot in between Fudge and Luigi.

"Hey, McQueen!" Chick teased. "You should've got those tyres then! Then I would've won!"

"More spoilers!" Fudge and Cookie chorused.

"Oh, shut up!" Chick snapped. "We all know what happens!"

" _We_ don't!" Finn spoke up, referring to himself and Holley.

"You don't count!" Chick informed them. "You're British spies!"

"That's it! You're uninvited, Chick!" Cookie yelled.

"What does _that_ have to do with anything?" Fudge wondered.

Before anybody could answer, the Lightning McQueen on the TV blew a tyre.

" _Oh no!" Darrell Cartrip exclaimed. "McQueen has blown a tyre!"_

"Way to state the obvious, man", Fillmore muttered.

" _And with only one turn to go!" Bob Cutlass added. "Can he make it_?!"

"I've always wondered", Cookie mused, "does it hurt when your tyres blow?"

"Kind of", The King replied. "Tyres are like the car equivalent of shoes to humans."

"So... It's like a human's shoe ripping and their skin scraping across the ground?" Fudge asked.

The King shrugged, not really sure as he was not a human. "I guess..."

"Sounds painful", Fudge commented.

"How did you get here anyway?" Lightning quizzed The King.

"Cookie invited me."

And sure enough, Cookie was on Twitter. She had an open invitation with the _Cars_ movie logo with #characterswatchtheirownmovies written below it.

"That's it, Cookie!" Chick announced. " _You're_ uninvited!"

"You can't uninvite _me_!" Cookie countered. "This was _my_ idea! Partly."

"I thought I told you all to be quiet!" Sarge groaned. He picked up the remote. "Now, I gotta rewind the movie!"

" _The King and Chick are coming up fast!"_

" _They're entering turn three!"_

" _Come on!" Lightning, who had just blown a second tyre, struggled to make his way to the finish line._

"I thought you would've won by now!" Fudge commented.

"What? No! No! Nooooooooooo!" Lightning shouted in horror.

Fudge gave him an odd look. "What are _you_ screaming for? This movie is about _you_! You _know_ what's gonna happen!"

"Yeah, well, I was hoping they'd change it for the movie."

"I don't know", Cookie replied. "It's basically an autobiography or something. They're not gonna change anything."

"But Hollywood always changes real stories!" Lightning protested.

"Not for _Cars_ apparently", Cookie remarked without sympathy.

Despite knowing what was gonna happen, Lightning, The King and Chick were practically on the edge of their "seats", watching themselves anxiously as they neared the finish line.

"Come on!" The King begged. "One more!"

"Come on, baby!" Chick pleaded. "The start of the Chick era!"

"I'll be the first rookie to win a Piston Cup if I just _hurry up and cross that finish line first!_ " Lightning added.

Fudge and Cookie rolled their eyes at each other. Why were they expecting this to be any different from what actually happened?

" _And down the stretch they come!" Darrell Cartrip yelled. "And it's... and it's..."_

 _All three cars shot past the line across the track at the exact same time._

" _It's too close to call!" Bob Cutlass declared. "Too close too call! The most, spectacular, amazing..." he continued as Darrell kept screaming, "I don't believe it! I don't believe it!"_

" _All right, Darrell!" Fudge smirked. "We get it!"_

" _And we don't even know who won!" Bob Cutlass finished_.

And that's when everything on the screen stopped.

"We're getting ice cream", Fudge announced, speaking for herself and Cookie.

"Be right back", Cookie added.

As soon as the two were gone, everyone else blinked at each other.

"But... what about the movie?"

 **While the movie's paused, reviews?**


	3. Life is a Highway

**Oh, my God! It's been a long time, but this is getting updated again.**

 **Just a quick explanation. From now on, I think how this is working is the two authors working on this (PinkCookie11 and Cars Crazy Fudge) are each taking turns to write chapters. So, if there's any inconsistencies in the writing style, that's why (after all,** _ **every**_ **author has their own style). This chapter was written by Cars Crazy Fudge. Unless it sucks. Then PinkCookie11 wrote it. XD.**

 **To answer some comments and questions from the reviews for the previous chapter, the dialogue and actions from the movie are gonna be written in italics to avoid confusion and make it easier to read. And the reason we're skipping parts is because we don't want to write everything from the movie. That would take too long. We're just going through parts where they might have comments and/or questions. I hope this clears things up.**

 **So, let's get back into it!**

 **Chapter 2: Life is a Highway**

"All right, we're back!" Cookie announced as she and Fudge made their way through the crowded group of cars.

"Excuse me, coming through!" Fudge added.

"Hey!" Lightning exclaimed. "Watch it, Cookie!"

"I can't", she replied simply.

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"Did y'all git ice cream?" Mater questioned.

"Yeah, we did", Fudge answered, spooning a mouthful of chocolate ice cream.

"Kin I have some?"

There was a pause.

"It's pistachio", both humans lied to him in unison.

"All right", he accepted that easily. He looked back at the others. "I still can't eat pistachio ice cream", he explained.

"Why not?" Doc asked, confused.

"No spoilers!" Fudge cut in before Mater could say anything. "That's next week!"

"Hey! Come on!" Chick snapped. "Are we watching the movie or not?! I ain't got all night!"

"All right!" Fudge cried defensively, reaching for the remote. "I'm getting there!"

" _We're here in Victory Lane, awaiting the race results!"_ the Kori Turbowitz on the screen announced. " _McQueen, that was quite a risky move not taking tyres_ -"

"Tell _me about it_!" one of the pitties put in.

" _Are you sorry you didn't have a crew chief out there_?" Kori continued.

"You need to take the tyres!" Luigi commented.

"Well, I know that _now_!" Lightning insisted. "Besides, I still don't have to waste time getting them done. I got the fastest guy right here." He gestured to Guido.

Guido smiled. "Pit stop!"

" _Am I sorry I don't have a crew chief_?" Lightning on the screen echoed. " _No. I'm not_. _Because I'm a one-man show_."

Then it was...

" _Yo, Chuck_!" he called to the pitty changing his tyre. " _Chuck, what are you doing?! You're_ _blocking the camera! Everyone wants to see the bolt. Now, back away_!"

 _Not Chuck grunted and threw down his tool in frustration_. _"That's it! Come on, guys!" He_ _stormed off with the rest of the crew following._

" _Whoa, team! Where you going?" Lighting wondered_.

"Coffee break", Cookie responded sarcastically.

" _We quit, Mr. One-Man-Show!" Not Chuck shouted at him._

" _Okay, leave, fine", Lightning told him. "_ Adios _, Chuck!"_

" _ **AND MY NAME IS NOT CHUCK!**_ _" he hollered back_.

" _Oh, whatever_."

"I wonder whatever happened to old Not Chuck", Fudge mused.

"I don't know", Lightning replied. "I haven't seen him since then."

" _Hey, Lightning! Yo! McQueen!" Chick called out. He was surrounded by his pit crew_. " _Seriously, That was some pretty darn nice racing out there._ _ **BY**_ **ME!** "

"Finally!" Chick cried. "We're at the good part!"

"I wouldn't say that!" Fudge disagreed.

"Why not?"

"You're pretty much the antagonist of this film", Cookie explained.

" _ **WHAT?!**_ " Chick exploded. "How could I be the antagonist? I am such a great, friendly, awesome guy!"

"You deliberately cause crashes all the time", Lightning deadpanned.

"You knocked me off the track!" The King added.

"Spoilers!" Fudge and Cookie cried in unison.

" **OH, SHUT UP!** " Chick barked at them. "This was over ten years ago! _Everyone_ knows what happens!" He looked back at The King. "And that was an accident."

"You blackmailed Fudge into stealing for you", Luigi reminded the mean green race car. "Was _that_ an accident too?"

Chick stuttered over his words for a couple of seconds before pointing a tyre directly at Fudge. "I saved her _life_! Does anyone remember _that_?!"

"That's true, he did", Lightning recalled.

"That's right", Luigi added.

"I saw that", Finn chimed in.

"He _did_ save my life", Fudge confirmed,

Everyone left Chick alone after that. For now, anyway.

" _I'm Mia!" a red Mazda Miata sporting the number 95 exclaimed_.

" _I'm Tia!" an identical car added_.

" _We're, like, your biggest fans!" they proclaimed in unison. "Ka-chow!" And with that, they_ _flashed their headlights at him_.

Just about every female there cringed. Especially when the Lightning on the screen declared, " _I_ love _being me!"_

"Oh, my _God!_ " Sally exclaimed, disgusted.

"That was when I was young and stupid!" Lightning justified. "You're the _only_ one I'd let get away with that _now_!"

Fudge pretended to cry.

"Get a room, you two!" Chick shouted at them.

"Maybe we will", Sally replied.

Fudge's fake cries grew louder. "Stop talking. Stop talking _now_!"

"Yes", Sarge agreed. "All of you, stop talking now! Some of us are _trying_ to watch the movie!"

" _Hey, buddy", The King greeted Lightning, approaching him. "You are one gutsy racer. You got more talent in one lug nut than a lot of cars have got in their whole body."_

" _Really?" Lightning was flattered. "Oh, that_ -"

" _But you're stupid", The King cut in bluntly_.

"Ohhh!" Fudge exclaimed.

"That's hurtful!" Lightning cried, sounding pretty hurt.

"It's truthful", Doc informed him.

"Get over yourself, Lightning Victory Careful Danger Speed McQueen!" Chick retorted.

" _This ain't a one-man deal, kid", The King explained. "You need to wise up and get yourself a_ _good crew chief and a good team. You ain't gonna win unless you got good folks behind you_ _and you let them do their job like they should..." His voice got more and more faded as_ _Lightning tuned out, staring dreamily at the Dinoco tent_.

" _A good team... Yeah..._ "

"You weren't even _listening_ to me?!" The King cried, insulted.

Lightning smiled sheepishly. "No. Sorry."

The King shrugged. "Eh. That's okay. I knew you weren't."

 _The results came in soon enough._

" _Ladies and gentlemen", Bob Cutlass announced over the loudspeakers, "for the first time in Piston Cup history..."_

" _A rookie has won the Piston Cup", an overconfident Lightning finished for himself._

 _He tore through the paper and was on the winner's podium. "_ _ **YES!**_ _" he cheered._

 _But then Bob finished his sentence. "We have a three-way tie!_ "

"Nice!" Fudge giggled.

"That's what you get for being too overconfident, rookie!" Doc commented with a smile.

"Not my best moment, I'll admit", Lightning agreed.

"It seems like you've got a lot to learn", Sally remarked.

"Yeah. And _you_ were the one to teach it all to me."

" _What did you do with my trailer?" Lightning quizzed Mack_.

" _I parked it over your sponsor's tent", Mack replied._

 _Lightning couldn't believe it. "_ _ **WHAT?!**_ _"_

" _You gotta make your personal appearance", Mack explained._

" _No! No! No, no, no, no!" Lightning cried._

 _When he arrived at the Rust-Eze tent, he groaned. "I hate rusty cars! This is_ not _good for my_ _image_!"

"What about me?" Mater questioned, sounding hurt.

"Guess he doesn't care about his image anymore", Mack commented.

"We hope so!" Rusty piped up. "Otherwise, he wouldn't have put up with us for so long!"

He and his brother, Dusty, laughed and laughed.

"Mack? Rusty? Dusty? What are _you_ guys doing here?" Lightning wondered.

"Cookie invited us", they all replied simultaneously.

"Haven't you seen the Tweet?" Dusty added.

"Cookie!" Lightning cried in disbelief.

Cookie shrugged. "They're your _friends_!"

"Well, _Chick_ isn't and your Tweet got _him_ here!"

" **I SAVED YOUR CHEERLEADER'S LIFE!** " he reminded him.

" _California, here we come!" Mack announced as they started up_.

 _Lightning grinned._ "Dinoco, _here we come_."

 _The_ _song "Life is a Highway" was heard from the screen._

"Oh, I _love_ this song!" Fudge exclaimed, bopping her head.

"Well, it's true", Lightning commented. "Life _is_ a highway. It's about the journey, not the destination."

"That's what you learned from this movie", Cookie remarked.

"Yeah", Lightning admitted. "Yeah, I did."

" _Just stopping off for a quick breather, kid", Mack reported as the sun set on their first full day on the road came to an end. "Old Mack needs a rest."_

" _Absolutely not", Lightning insisted. "We're driving straight through all night till we get to_ _California. We agreed to it_!"

" _Did_ you agree to it?" Doc wondered.

"Yeah..." Lightning answered. It was obvious that he was lying.

Doc just rolled his eyes. "Right..."

 _Mack stared longingly at the rest stop they were passing. "All those sleeping trucks... Hey_ , _kid. I don't know if I can make it_."

" _Oh, sure you can, Mack! Look, it'll be easy!" Lightning assured him. "I'll stay up with you_."

" _All night?"_

" _All night long_."

 _But in the next shot, Lightning was fast asleep in his trailer._

"Well... that lasted", Fudge commented.

Lightning made a face. "Shut up!"

 _The Delinquent Road Hazards lured Mack to sleep and knocked him from side to side, resulting in the trailer door being opened._

"So, _that's_ how it happened!" Lightning exclaimed.

"How scary would that be?" Fudge remarked, gesturing to the screen where Lightning was horrified to wake up and discover that he was in the middle of the road.

"It was _very_ scary!" Lightning confirmed.

"Baby!" Chick scoffed.

"Chick, you're also selfish and obsessed with winning", Lightning pointed out. "Something like this could've easily happened to you."

"Imagine if it _did_ happen to Chick instead of you", Fudge mused.

Everyone fell silent. Either thinking about that or simply trying to watch the movie.

" _Oh no!" Lightning groaned as he heard the sound of Sheriff's sirens. Then he brightened_. " _Oh! Maybe he can help me!" But then he heard a series of loud bangs behind him. "He's_ _shooting at me! Why's he shooting at me?!"_

 _Only it's revealed to be Sheriff backfiring._

Everyone stared at Sheriff. The old police car looked away awkwardly, hoping to avoid anybody's gaze.

"Wait!" Fudge exclaimed when they got the first shots of Radiator Springs. She sounded outraged. "Where am _I_?"

"You're not in this movie", Cookie explained.

"Why not?!" Fudge demanded, "I was _there_!"

"This movie's called _Cars_ , not _Humans_ or _Cars_ and _Humans_ ", Chick reasoned.

"Oh, _what_?!" Fudge groaned. She flopped back in disappointment.

"It's true. That's what the movie's called." Chick held up the DVD cover. Nobody knew if he was kidding or if he was just that stupid. It was hard to tell sometimes.

"Looking forward to your big movie moment, were you, Fudge?" Lightning teased.

" _Yes_!" she answered seriously. "It's not fair! I was _in_ the events of _Cars_ and _Cars 2_. And I'm gonna be in _Cars 3_ as soon as Cars Crazy Fudge figures out how to write-"

"Fudge, what did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall?!" Sheriff scolded.

"To not to", she mumbled.

"Is there even a fourth wall _here_?" Cookie wondered. "I mean, if you guys are watching you _own_ movie?"

Nobody knew how to answer that.

 _On the screen, Lightning was practically flying through the sleepy little town, knocking everything in his path_.

"Oh, noes!" Fudge cried. "He's terrorising the village!"

 _He started dragging the Stanley statue down Main Street, tearing the road._

"Oh, good job, McQueen!" Chick proclaimed sarcastically.

"What?" Lightning asked innocently.

"Look at what you're doing!" He indicated to the screen.

"Hey! I was scared and stupid!" Lightning insisted.

" _That's_ your excuse?" Sheriff asked.

 _Lightning_ _was hanging helplessly from some telephone wire as Sheriff approached._

" _Boy", Sheriff declared, "you're in a heap of trouble_."

 _Lightning just passed out_.

"That's how I feel right now with all this abuse you guys are giving me!" Lightning mumbled.

"And that's how _I_ feel, trying to listen to the movie!" Sarge added.

"Well, we need to _talk_!" Fudge pointed out. "If we don't, how else are Cars Crazy Fudge and PinkCookie11 supposed to write _What the Cars Think of Cars_?"

"Fudge!" Sheriff barked. "Stop breaking the fourth wall!"

 **I'm so glad I got that done. I've been meaning to get it done for ages and now, with very few ideas on other stories, I finally kicked myself to get it done. So, I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **If you wanna know what happened with Fudge and Chick, read Cars Crazy Fudge's stories,** _ **Vacation Crashers**_ **and** _ **Tales From Radiator Springs**_ **.**


End file.
